Three Years of Change
Wow. That’s the only response I could muster at first when my fitness coach Nick Deacon sent this to me two weeks ago. He wanted to share my fitness journey publicly and decided to do a comparison photo. The snapshots represent a nearly three year span of time of hard work, guidance and encouragement from not only Nick, but my gym, Philly Phitness; my first fitness coach, Rich Ryan; and Jamie Promislo and the Revel Ride family. And, of course, my husband, Joshua who has been my biggest champion and made it all happen. I am forever grateful for their help in unlocking my motivation. I look forward to crushing new goals over the next three years. After sending the photo my way, Nick asked me to share a bit about where I was and where I am now. I went long in my thoughts, but they’re below if you’re inclined to read them.
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Before I embarked on my fitness journey I focused on two things in my life: my job and my marriage. Mentally, I did not leave room for much else. And to be honest, the job was the major focus.
I was doing the best work of my career. I was focusing on in-depth multiplatform storytelling (a rare opportunity in our industry) that was having a major impact on the issues we covered...and possibly saving lives.
We won respect and awards and I just wanted to keep going. But with every story, I set aside taking care of myself. I was the afterthought in the sense of: I'd get to taking care of me when I was done with the story I was working on. The only problem is the cycle kept repeating and I never made a change.
When I wasn't working, I was enjoying being a newlywed. We experienced the world through travel and food and learned even more about each other. Despite us both encouraging one another to make healthy changes, they never stuck. We were (and still are) always busy and never put a priority on making time to affect meaningful change. I was always the "big guy" over the years so I think it didn't bother me as viscerally as others. I would just be the big guy forever.
I wouldn't say there was a single moment that created the spark to kickstart the journey. It was more like a collection of moments happening around the same time. They all came around the time that before picture was taken. It was 2017. I was working on a very heavy project about suicide prevention and the long hours, travel and emotions more took their toll. I was running out of clothes that fit...and even my "fat clothes" were tight. The day I had to shoot the introduction to the documentary (where that before photo is from) I remember looking at myself in the monitor and realizing how unhappy I was.
I was nearing 280 lbs. for the second time in my life and was in my 30s. I knew that I needed to make a change for better health if I wanted to continue enjoying my life.
Right out of college I dropped a bunch of weight, but did it all wrong – fasting, tons of cardio and no real strength training. I was thin, but flabby and weak. I ate healthy-ish. I was happy with my accomplishment. Still, I didn’t achieve a sustainable lifestyle.
I had slowly gaslit myself over the past decade - ignoring opportunities to continue the workout journey I started in college and gaining back all the weight I had worked hard to lose. And nothing makes you come to terms with yourself like having to perform in front of a camera.
It was brutal.
The first time I shaped up, I was just killing myself running and fasting. I didn't do anything correctly. Since I was now an adult (I guess? lol) and had some money in my pocket, I decided to seek out professional help in achieving my goals.
I impulsively signed up for a batch of sessions. I didn’t even ask my husband first before committing a good chunk of money to it (this is not something I had ever done nor recommend doing to your spouse.) I just felt like I was at a crossroads and if I didn’t act, I would never venture down the path. So I took the chance. Luckily, my husband was supportive and helped figure out how I could continue on the path.
Training, I quickly realized, was just as much mental therapy as physical development. For a long time, I didn’t have balance. I would go all-in on say a work project and neglect positive fitness and eating habits. That was the first to change. Each month, with the help of my trainers, I added a stone to the foundation. There were physical achievements like strengthening my core, being able to do pushups and pull-ups for the first time and fitting into medium shirts for the first time ever. And there were others: expanding my fitness routine to include spinning and creating a sustainable nutrition plan.
Just shy of three years in, I’m thrilled to have made so many positive changes and achieved so many goals. I’ve worked hard to find balance. I feel out of whack when I don’t train. I seek out new challenges and adventures. I can enjoy a meal out or relax on a trip without derailing my hard work.
And now there are new goals to hit. I can’t wait to rise to the challenge.